Last night I found out that our neighbors 3-month-old died while taking a nap at daycare on February 7th (Tuesday). I can't imagine what thoughts and emotions must be going through them right now. Unfortunately, these terrible tragedies are also reminders of how much in life we have to be thankful. How petty all the gripes and complaints I have made really are. How many mornings do I rush the kids out the door in an attempt to get to work on time? With a quick hug or kiss I say goodbye and that is that. What if that last hug or kiss was my last? What a horrible thought, and one that no mother ever wants to think, but it just makes me truly so thankful for the blessings the Lord has given me.
Somebody posted on facebook the other day the top things people say that they wished they did differently as they lay on their deathbed. I hope to take this opportunity to make some changes in my perspective and understanding of what my purpose in life is and what my focus needs to be and to not take things for granted any longer, but to truly appreciate what I am given.
My heart is just broken over the pain this family must be enduring now, and I hope that they are able to find peace, healing, and strength through our God. Please add Russ, Susan, and Grace, as well as their extended family, to your prayers.
My Little Sweeties
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Humbled
What a humbling feeling this week has been. I always pride myself on trying to accomplish many great things. The rating of my day is typically determined by the number of "things" I have successfully completed, whether it be taking my kids on an outing, organizing pictures, meeting up with a friend from the past, etc. This last week I had my laperoscopy to attempt to fix my broken body in order to try for a third child later this spring. I feel so spent and exhausted that the thought of trying another round of infertility almost seems impossible and irresponsible. I barely have the energy in me to take care of myself, let alone my two amazing children, and beyond that, potentially even more.
Another factor that greatly affected me this week was the reminder that another due-date birthday passed. My first miscarriage's due date was August 18th, 2006. AJ was born on April 23, 2007. My second miscarriage due date was January 1st, 2009. Abby was born on June 16, 2009. My third miscarriage due date will be March 17th, 2012, which is St. Patty's day. It amazes me how intense my feelings of loss over these babies I love so much is, especially since I never made it into my second trimester with any of them and also because I am so blessed with my two children. I don't know if my heart will ever feel completely filled since I hold a place in my heart for each of them and I truly look forward to our reunion one day.
I have felt so humbled this week thanks to all the many blessings that have showered and covered me during a pretty difficult week.
I have never felt so blessed as I have this week to have the support and love of my parents. My mom stayed with us for the week and she helped with everything. She cooked, did the laundry, helped tuck the kids in, gave them baths, and even scrubbed my floor on her hands and knees. My dad sacrificed his wife for the week and made his second drive down three hours away from their house in a week so he could drop her off and pick her up.
My friends have also made me appreciate and realize how blessed I am to have them. Whether picking me up and bringing me to the movies, helping watch my kids, hosting my family for dinner, or just calling or emailing to show they care,words cannot express what it means to have such amazing friends and relationships with so many amazing people.
Today I went to target (kid-free since my parents watched them this morning) and I could barely make it through the store when exhaustion hit. I am a bit nervous about trying to make it through the work-week, but the thought of going in today and setting up plans for a sub is almost too much for me to bear. This is another area in my life where I realize how blessed I am. In a way, I actually look forward to going back to a routine at work and being with my students. I am so blessed to love my job and to work at such an amazing place doing a job that I deeply love.
So, thank you to those who care for me and love me, and I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you in return!
Another factor that greatly affected me this week was the reminder that another due-date birthday passed. My first miscarriage's due date was August 18th, 2006. AJ was born on April 23, 2007. My second miscarriage due date was January 1st, 2009. Abby was born on June 16, 2009. My third miscarriage due date will be March 17th, 2012, which is St. Patty's day. It amazes me how intense my feelings of loss over these babies I love so much is, especially since I never made it into my second trimester with any of them and also because I am so blessed with my two children. I don't know if my heart will ever feel completely filled since I hold a place in my heart for each of them and I truly look forward to our reunion one day.
I have felt so humbled this week thanks to all the many blessings that have showered and covered me during a pretty difficult week.
I have never felt so blessed as I have this week to have the support and love of my parents. My mom stayed with us for the week and she helped with everything. She cooked, did the laundry, helped tuck the kids in, gave them baths, and even scrubbed my floor on her hands and knees. My dad sacrificed his wife for the week and made his second drive down three hours away from their house in a week so he could drop her off and pick her up.
My friends have also made me appreciate and realize how blessed I am to have them. Whether picking me up and bringing me to the movies, helping watch my kids, hosting my family for dinner, or just calling or emailing to show they care,words cannot express what it means to have such amazing friends and relationships with so many amazing people.
Today I went to target (kid-free since my parents watched them this morning) and I could barely make it through the store when exhaustion hit. I am a bit nervous about trying to make it through the work-week, but the thought of going in today and setting up plans for a sub is almost too much for me to bear. This is another area in my life where I realize how blessed I am. In a way, I actually look forward to going back to a routine at work and being with my students. I am so blessed to love my job and to work at such an amazing place doing a job that I deeply love.
So, thank you to those who care for me and love me, and I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you in return!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Feeling good!
Surgery went very well yesterday. I feel like I have done nothing but sleep over the past 24 hours, but I think that is what my body needs right now. The kids handled things well - I came downstairs and visited with them for about an hour last night, which was so nice, especially because them my mom and Adam put the kids down, which is usually a fun, but exhausting experience. I woke up to go with my mom to bring the kids to daycare, and as soon as we got home? Back to bed.
The doctor said things were not as bad as they could have been, and she is optimistic about a fairly quick recovery time, which is awesome. She also suggested we could look into starting to try sooner than later a more natural way than we have been trying in the past if we like... which may be something to consider.
Okay, my hands are tired already - back to bed for me!
The doctor said things were not as bad as they could have been, and she is optimistic about a fairly quick recovery time, which is awesome. She also suggested we could look into starting to try sooner than later a more natural way than we have been trying in the past if we like... which may be something to consider.
Okay, my hands are tired already - back to bed for me!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Christmas gifts
What a gift it is to watch Christmas unfold through the eyes of my children. This year we tried the "Elf on a Shelf" thanks to Aunt Ashley. I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole thing since so much of a daily focus was on the elf reporting good/ bad behavior (instead of on just being good to be good), but it worked, and it was super exciting for the kids. Every morning they ran downstairs trying to find the elf and what mischief he got into the night before. Yesterday was just a lovely day - we stayed in our pj's the whole day, ate lots, and enjoyed our first family present, a wii.
Another gift is having my mom stay with us for the week. I am scheduled for a laperoscopy on Wednesday and she will stay to help with evening routines, housework, and watch the kids. I don't know why, but I am actually a little nervous about this procedure. I realize it is a quick and common thing, but I worry about the recovery time, how my kids will respond to no rough housing for a few weeks, going back to work a few days later, and even the thought that there could be complications. I keep trying to remember why I am having this thing done and how much better I will feel once I am all healed.
I heard the most lovely song tonight - sung by Selah and a male vocalist - called "I turn to you". It was a good reminder of how everything is in the Lord's hands and how everything will work itself out thanks to Him.
Another gift is having my mom stay with us for the week. I am scheduled for a laperoscopy on Wednesday and she will stay to help with evening routines, housework, and watch the kids. I don't know why, but I am actually a little nervous about this procedure. I realize it is a quick and common thing, but I worry about the recovery time, how my kids will respond to no rough housing for a few weeks, going back to work a few days later, and even the thought that there could be complications. I keep trying to remember why I am having this thing done and how much better I will feel once I am all healed.
I heard the most lovely song tonight - sung by Selah and a male vocalist - called "I turn to you". It was a good reminder of how everything is in the Lord's hands and how everything will work itself out thanks to Him.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
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Thursday, July 28, 2011
Cream in the middle of the oreo cookie
Tonight I was the cream in the middle of the oreo cookie. After reading books, singing songs, praying, and snuggling, both kids ended up falling asleep holding my hand (AJ) and resting their arm over my leg (Abby) in AJ's bed. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day.
Monday, July 25, 2011
The Blessings I am Thankful For
This weekend was very busy, but so much fun. I made me realize how many blessings I have and how much I have to be thankful for. I had cousins come from all over the country come to join in celebrating my cousin Brianna's wedding. It was so nice to visit and catch up with them all.
Alexandria has become my second home. I love that I live so close to my parents and that we always have this vacation-land at our fingertips. Both AJ and Abby simply adore my parents and sister, so it is hard to tell who is more excited to come this way when we start loading the van. This time, once I had everything packed and started to put things in the van, both kids wanted to sit in their carseats for the half hour while I stuffed and shoved things into every nook and cranny.
AJ was cuddling with my mom this morning downstairs and he randomly asked her if she will always have the fish in their fish tank when he comes to visit. She replied that they probably would. He then got very serious and asked her if she would always be alive as long as he is alive. What a serious question and such a difficult response. She shared that she hoped to live a very long time, but that it was up to Jesus how long on earth we have. She couldn't recap their conversation without both of us welling up with tears. I am so appreciative and thankful that my kids will forever have these memories and experiences with all of their grandparents.
I am not sure what triggered these questions, but I did think that maybe it is because the other day I was sharing with my family how a friend of mine's nephew was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and that the doctors have only given him a few months to live. My friend had lost her baby only a few weeks before he was due 2 1/2 years ago, and it just breaks my heart to hear of the sorrow and sadness that she and now her brother and sister-in-law are needing to endure. My miscarriages have all been very sad and at times devastating. They have made me question and grow. They have brought some of the greatest sorrows that I have ever experienced in my life, and I don't know if anybody could really understand what I felt and went through unless they have been in similar situations. But then to have lost a child right as you are prepared for the start of a life together here on earth. Or to prepare to lose a child so young and so unexpectedly. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow they have experienced and will continue to experience. It just makes me so thankful and appreciative every day for this time I have with my children, friends, and families.
I know my last few posts have been on the struggles I have had lately and the things that have been difficult for me, but I do firmly believe that challenges in our lives do help us appreciate the gifts that the Lord has given us already, and it is true in my life. I love my kids so much that when I really stop to think about how much I love them, I can almost not handle the warmth that wells in my chest and the tears that overflow in my eyes. Adam is such a wonderful father and gives his all to provide for our family. My parents have been the rock in my life that I have always known to rely and depend on. I have my faith and God who is loving and forgiving. I have a job that I love and feel proud to do. I have extended family who I know would be there for me if I needed them. I have a house, vehicles, and food in my pantry. I have my health and I have some of the most amazing friends on this planet. These are the blessings I am thankful for.
Alexandria has become my second home. I love that I live so close to my parents and that we always have this vacation-land at our fingertips. Both AJ and Abby simply adore my parents and sister, so it is hard to tell who is more excited to come this way when we start loading the van. This time, once I had everything packed and started to put things in the van, both kids wanted to sit in their carseats for the half hour while I stuffed and shoved things into every nook and cranny.
AJ was cuddling with my mom this morning downstairs and he randomly asked her if she will always have the fish in their fish tank when he comes to visit. She replied that they probably would. He then got very serious and asked her if she would always be alive as long as he is alive. What a serious question and such a difficult response. She shared that she hoped to live a very long time, but that it was up to Jesus how long on earth we have. She couldn't recap their conversation without both of us welling up with tears. I am so appreciative and thankful that my kids will forever have these memories and experiences with all of their grandparents.
I am not sure what triggered these questions, but I did think that maybe it is because the other day I was sharing with my family how a friend of mine's nephew was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and that the doctors have only given him a few months to live. My friend had lost her baby only a few weeks before he was due 2 1/2 years ago, and it just breaks my heart to hear of the sorrow and sadness that she and now her brother and sister-in-law are needing to endure. My miscarriages have all been very sad and at times devastating. They have made me question and grow. They have brought some of the greatest sorrows that I have ever experienced in my life, and I don't know if anybody could really understand what I felt and went through unless they have been in similar situations. But then to have lost a child right as you are prepared for the start of a life together here on earth. Or to prepare to lose a child so young and so unexpectedly. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow they have experienced and will continue to experience. It just makes me so thankful and appreciative every day for this time I have with my children, friends, and families.
I know my last few posts have been on the struggles I have had lately and the things that have been difficult for me, but I do firmly believe that challenges in our lives do help us appreciate the gifts that the Lord has given us already, and it is true in my life. I love my kids so much that when I really stop to think about how much I love them, I can almost not handle the warmth that wells in my chest and the tears that overflow in my eyes. Adam is such a wonderful father and gives his all to provide for our family. My parents have been the rock in my life that I have always known to rely and depend on. I have my faith and God who is loving and forgiving. I have a job that I love and feel proud to do. I have extended family who I know would be there for me if I needed them. I have a house, vehicles, and food in my pantry. I have my health and I have some of the most amazing friends on this planet. These are the blessings I am thankful for.
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