There are many lessons that I have learned in life through this adoption. The depth of love. Friendship. The power of family. Financial sacrifice. Patience. I have grown so much as a person over this past year and I look forward to the day when I can pay our blessings forward.
Of all of these lessons, learning, understanding, and accepting patience has by far been the hardest for me. I feel God working through me though and I know that one day being, stronger in my patience and understanding that events in life are not made to happen to our own timing, will help me in my future endeavors in life.
Today we are on day 35 of our wait for our LOA (letter of acceptance). There are websites out there that calculate the average wait time of this step in our journey, and the average wait time went from 62 days to 61 days recently. That brought a big smile to my face. One day, on average, closer to the next step, right? Not necessarily. I belong to a facebook group consisting of people very similar to us - adopting from China and hoping to travel between late summer and early fall. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to how fast or slow this step goes for people. I have seen some wait well over 100 days while others get moved on day 27. So, you can only imagine how often I check my email every day. The day that I get "The email" that we have a "soft LOA" will mean that our documents are in the mail and almost ready for us. Then we start the next cycle of paperwork (immigration approval). I have heard this period of time until we can make travel arrangements is ranging from 55-70 days from LOA, and when we receive our travel approval (TA) we need about two weeks. SO - what I keep doing in my head multiple times every day is play numbers games. I think through, "okay, today is the 19th... we are day 32 in our wait for LOA... best case scenario, we get our letter today, and best case from that we need 55 more days until TA, which puts us at ____, then another two weeks, and we could go as early as August ___"... then I think through the worst case scenario, then somewhere in the middle. I forget the numbers and a few hours later start thinking through things again. Not very productive, but the fun thing is every day, no matter how I spin numbers, we are one day closer to bringing Christian home.
Daily we continue to be blessed by our friends. On Thursday of last week my coworker gave me a beautiful necklace that she made. Of course, I cried. It has a charm with two birds on it. They are both looking expectantly at an empty nest. Cathy told me that when she saw the charm she immediately thought of our family. The birds are like AJ and Abby waiting for their baby brother to fly home. Attached to the nest is a link with three jewels, representing our three children. She joked that she could always add another charm if we decided to have another. Ha ha. I actually feel such peace and comfort over our family being complete. I also think that Adam might have a heart attack if I were to even propose the idea of adopting again.
Last week we shared our fundraising page. In the past week we have been gifted with $625. Our friends, Matt and Sarah, gave us their beautiful crib and matching dresser. Our church told us on Sunday that they would like to throw us a baby shower and to have us register at target. A coworker this morning walked into my room with a sweet note and prayer for our family with a gift of money. I just feel like everywhere I am turning we are being blessed. God is working through our friends and family, and continues to show us that we are doing what He has wanted us to do and has provided every step of the way. I honestly don't know if I can handle all of these gifts and acts of kindness. I might just burst (in public I mean - I feel some days like I have more hormones that a woman in her 9th month of pregnancy).
The Lord has also provided through providing us with work opportunities. Adam's work has been busier than ever and my tutoring schedule is filling up! I will be sending the kids to daycare twice a week and tutoring from home while they are gone. I think this will be perfect for our needs because not only will I pull in some extra money, but I will also be able to keep up with the house, run errands, and keep up with paperwork needs during down times. I LOVE my children and love every second with them, but I am feeling right now like some quiet time will be a good thing. Plus, they love going to their daycare. I find I am the best parent I am able to be when my time with my children is a little more focused and I am not so distracted and driven to get big things done. Hopefully by sending them off twice a week and using my time effectively on those days will enable me to just love on them and help create a great summer experience for them the other five days a week.
Abby is doing gymnastics this summer and a jumpstart kindergarten class. AJ is doing soccer and t-ball. Other than that, we have NO plans. I normally love to fill our summers and to keep our kids active and engaged, but they are at a great point in life where they love to just be home and play with some great neighborhood friends. My parents are putting their house on the market and are living on a lake in Sauk Center in their RV. They have offered for us to come and stay there whenever we want - so I am sure we will enjoy some time there. I think that will also help the kids transition to having Grammy live at our house and watch them when Adam and I are in China. We might be gone a full three weeks, so anything to help with this transition is a good thing.
So, as I hope this journal conveys, life is good. God provides. Friends and family are crucial. Perseverance and faith are crucial. Did I say that life is good? :)
Now, I am off to go and spin some more numbers :)
My Little Sweeties
Monday, May 19, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
Adoption Leave
Yesterday I found out some wonderful news!
It actually stemmed from something that made me quite frustrated to begin with. When you adopt you can take advantage of something called an "adoptive leave". This is similar to a maternity leave... except in my school district in means that you get three paid days (using sick days) home with your child. The next 11 1/2 weeks are not only unpaid but insurance is not contributed by the district, so the amount I would have to pay out is ridiculous.
Thankfully my doctor was willing to write a note giving me MEDICAL approval to stay home with my child due to physical and emotional needs he might have. While I am so grateful that he was willing to do this, this has been one of those experiences where the mama bear has come out of me wanting to defend my little cub. I don't blame my school district. I blame federal law (my district is just following the law that FMLA provides). The reasoning for the law is maternity leaves are actually for the recovery of the moms. That is why leaves might be longer for a woman who has a C-section compared with a woman who has a natural birth - she needs longer to physically recover.
This still doesn't make things sit better with me. My child, my baby who will be almost two when I bring him home, will speak a different language, might be afraid of me, smells differently than I do, eats different types of foods that I eat, not to mention I will be out of the country almost three weeks bringing him home. I just wish I didn't need to jump through hoops to have it acknowledged that there is a need for me to be home with my son. Attachment disorders is a huge concern when adopting. Even if I adopted domestically and had a newborn who was totally healthy, it would be nice to think that I would be granted the same leave options as a woman who delivered her child. When I had Abby, totally naturally (not by choice, but because from start to finish she was born 45 minutes after I started labor and had to hold off on pushing because there wasn't even a doctor in the building who could deliver her) I felt fine about two days later. Yet, this was a given maternity leave.
Regardless, I now have approval for a leave. Depending on how our fundraising events go (grant and loan applications still out there, two garage sales, our fundraising page, and a few other misc. outlets), I might not be able to even take the full twelve weeks, but it does feel like such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that is our choice. An added bonus - if we are able to bring Christian home in the summer (August is the earliest we are looking at) then the twelve weeks still doesn't start until school starts, which means I might even get longer to be home with our little man. Every day is so precious. On top of everything I listed above, we will have to start doctor appointments about a month after we get home to start preparing surgeries and therapies for his palate. After we figure out medically a plan then we need to get an evaluation done through the school district. We live in the Lakeville boundary, so it will be a very different perspective for me to be sitting at the table as a parent.
One other amazing gift to share and have documented is my conversation this morning with AJ. I asked my barely seven-year-old what his plan was for his money that he makes selling lemonade at our garage sales. He said, in the blink of an eye, that he wants to give half of his money towards bringing Christian home. So proud of my giving and loving first-born.
It actually stemmed from something that made me quite frustrated to begin with. When you adopt you can take advantage of something called an "adoptive leave". This is similar to a maternity leave... except in my school district in means that you get three paid days (using sick days) home with your child. The next 11 1/2 weeks are not only unpaid but insurance is not contributed by the district, so the amount I would have to pay out is ridiculous.
Thankfully my doctor was willing to write a note giving me MEDICAL approval to stay home with my child due to physical and emotional needs he might have. While I am so grateful that he was willing to do this, this has been one of those experiences where the mama bear has come out of me wanting to defend my little cub. I don't blame my school district. I blame federal law (my district is just following the law that FMLA provides). The reasoning for the law is maternity leaves are actually for the recovery of the moms. That is why leaves might be longer for a woman who has a C-section compared with a woman who has a natural birth - she needs longer to physically recover.
This still doesn't make things sit better with me. My child, my baby who will be almost two when I bring him home, will speak a different language, might be afraid of me, smells differently than I do, eats different types of foods that I eat, not to mention I will be out of the country almost three weeks bringing him home. I just wish I didn't need to jump through hoops to have it acknowledged that there is a need for me to be home with my son. Attachment disorders is a huge concern when adopting. Even if I adopted domestically and had a newborn who was totally healthy, it would be nice to think that I would be granted the same leave options as a woman who delivered her child. When I had Abby, totally naturally (not by choice, but because from start to finish she was born 45 minutes after I started labor and had to hold off on pushing because there wasn't even a doctor in the building who could deliver her) I felt fine about two days later. Yet, this was a given maternity leave.
Regardless, I now have approval for a leave. Depending on how our fundraising events go (grant and loan applications still out there, two garage sales, our fundraising page, and a few other misc. outlets), I might not be able to even take the full twelve weeks, but it does feel like such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that is our choice. An added bonus - if we are able to bring Christian home in the summer (August is the earliest we are looking at) then the twelve weeks still doesn't start until school starts, which means I might even get longer to be home with our little man. Every day is so precious. On top of everything I listed above, we will have to start doctor appointments about a month after we get home to start preparing surgeries and therapies for his palate. After we figure out medically a plan then we need to get an evaluation done through the school district. We live in the Lakeville boundary, so it will be a very different perspective for me to be sitting at the table as a parent.
One other amazing gift to share and have documented is my conversation this morning with AJ. I asked my barely seven-year-old what his plan was for his money that he makes selling lemonade at our garage sales. He said, in the blink of an eye, that he wants to give half of his money towards bringing Christian home. So proud of my giving and loving first-born.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
It's Better to Give Than to Receive
My parents are both very giving people. They taught me from an early age the motto, "It's better to give than to receive". I love giving. It brings me such a peace and inner happiness to help others. I love feeling like in whatever small way I help, I am making a difference.
In high school I was a member of the volunteer club. In college I even served as vice-president. Whether helping build houses, serving the hungry, or organizing fundraisers for worthy causes, I always walked away with such a happy afterglow. Now, as life is busy and crazy just getting from day to day, I am not able to help in such big and grand ways as I did in the past, but I take pleasures in the simple acts like watching a friend's children, bringing a meal, or helping with a church-related activity.
I am not used to being on the receiving end of asking for help, but I have learned this past year how humbling it is to acknowledge that I cannot do everything on my own. I have also learned how truly and deeply blessed I am. I have cried tears of happiness and gratitude many a nights this past year as we entered our adoption journey and now as we near the end of this phase in life. It is uncomfortable for me to share with others our financial hurdles, and I wish that I was able to be financially able to pay all the adoption expenses as a family. This just isn't an option.
Adoption is expensive. We knew this would be a big undertaking when we started. We also knew that God would provide. And He has. So far every step of the way God has provided one blessing after the other. I wish that I documented each of these miracles on here along the way because there truly have been times when we needed a certain amount and through God's intervention that exact amount appeared. I do remember in the beginning of our journey we needed $500 to get started. I helped my parents with a garage sale and sold a few things of our own. That weekend we got the call that we needed money and were accepted to begin the paperwork process and the next day within a few dollars we met our first financial goal. We sold our family boat last fall around the time of our home study, which covered all of our first few fees with CCAI and with our home study agency. I realize the blessings God has provided us.
Adam's business has been very successful, which has also been a blessing. I have enjoyed selling pampered chef this year, which provided some extra money and about two months ago I advertised tutoring in the area. Within a few days I had five people interested and since then I have been tutoring two nights a week and two mornings a week before my contracted hours. This has led to an extremely busy life and challenged Adam and I in every way possible. On top of me working these extra hours, Adam working mostly 10-hour days plus Saturdays, and raising two beautiful children, I also spent close to 100 hours applying to grants and loans that are available to families similar to us. Unfortunately, so far we have received one rejection letter and one letter stating we need to try and raise more money before they will grant us an interest-free loan. This is what prompted us to take the plunge and reach out to friends and family for support. If we can show these organizations that we are accessing all of our resources and are able to close the gap of needed funds, they might be more inclined to offer financial support.
Last night I shared on facebook a link to our fundraising page. It is: http://www.gofundme.com/95n31c . We are setting our goal for $3500, which seems pretty lofty knowing how tight times are for people, but with the miracles God has already shown us, I know that anything is possible. My mom is also organizing a huge garage sale as they prepare to move this way and has offered to give a good portion of sales towards our adoption. I am also going to host a garage sale this July at my house as a fundraiser. With only four months until we can bring our son home I am excited to see what God has in store for our family.
Thank you to all of you who continue to be miracles in our lives. We feel so loved and it is truly an amazing feeling every time I hear your words of encouragement or support, see your smiles, and share in our excitement together.
In high school I was a member of the volunteer club. In college I even served as vice-president. Whether helping build houses, serving the hungry, or organizing fundraisers for worthy causes, I always walked away with such a happy afterglow. Now, as life is busy and crazy just getting from day to day, I am not able to help in such big and grand ways as I did in the past, but I take pleasures in the simple acts like watching a friend's children, bringing a meal, or helping with a church-related activity.
I am not used to being on the receiving end of asking for help, but I have learned this past year how humbling it is to acknowledge that I cannot do everything on my own. I have also learned how truly and deeply blessed I am. I have cried tears of happiness and gratitude many a nights this past year as we entered our adoption journey and now as we near the end of this phase in life. It is uncomfortable for me to share with others our financial hurdles, and I wish that I was able to be financially able to pay all the adoption expenses as a family. This just isn't an option.
Adoption is expensive. We knew this would be a big undertaking when we started. We also knew that God would provide. And He has. So far every step of the way God has provided one blessing after the other. I wish that I documented each of these miracles on here along the way because there truly have been times when we needed a certain amount and through God's intervention that exact amount appeared. I do remember in the beginning of our journey we needed $500 to get started. I helped my parents with a garage sale and sold a few things of our own. That weekend we got the call that we needed money and were accepted to begin the paperwork process and the next day within a few dollars we met our first financial goal. We sold our family boat last fall around the time of our home study, which covered all of our first few fees with CCAI and with our home study agency. I realize the blessings God has provided us.
Adam's business has been very successful, which has also been a blessing. I have enjoyed selling pampered chef this year, which provided some extra money and about two months ago I advertised tutoring in the area. Within a few days I had five people interested and since then I have been tutoring two nights a week and two mornings a week before my contracted hours. This has led to an extremely busy life and challenged Adam and I in every way possible. On top of me working these extra hours, Adam working mostly 10-hour days plus Saturdays, and raising two beautiful children, I also spent close to 100 hours applying to grants and loans that are available to families similar to us. Unfortunately, so far we have received one rejection letter and one letter stating we need to try and raise more money before they will grant us an interest-free loan. This is what prompted us to take the plunge and reach out to friends and family for support. If we can show these organizations that we are accessing all of our resources and are able to close the gap of needed funds, they might be more inclined to offer financial support.
Last night I shared on facebook a link to our fundraising page. It is: http://www.gofundme.com/95n31c . We are setting our goal for $3500, which seems pretty lofty knowing how tight times are for people, but with the miracles God has already shown us, I know that anything is possible. My mom is also organizing a huge garage sale as they prepare to move this way and has offered to give a good portion of sales towards our adoption. I am also going to host a garage sale this July at my house as a fundraiser. With only four months until we can bring our son home I am excited to see what God has in store for our family.
Thank you to all of you who continue to be miracles in our lives. We feel so loved and it is truly an amazing feeling every time I hear your words of encouragement or support, see your smiles, and share in our excitement together.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Love at first sight
How can time move so slow and so fast all at the same time? This past month has been a whirlwind. A true whirlwind. School is wrapping up and as part of this excitement I am heading an amazing, yet huge, project where we are installing a peaceful playground. I have been tutoring twice each week in the evenings and two mornings a week before my contracted time as a way to save some extra money. Adam is working most Saturdays. Combine that with Bible Study, singing at church, homework, and cuddles, there are days where I literally have not had time to sit and relax for five minutes before crashing and going to bed.
I don't think this is by chance. I think God knew this is what I needed to stay sane. As quickly as life is moving along, our adoption process passed huge milestones in the past month. Even though we are moving along quickly, every minute that is free is all-consumed thinking about our little guy. What is he doing? Is he being held? Loved? Are his owies being kissed? Is he well fed? Does he know about us? In some ways it has been really good to be so busy that I don't have many moments to think these thoughts. I do dream about him though. I dream about holding him. I dream about losing him. I dream about watching him sleep. I dream about him not wanting me. I dream about his hugs.
Like I said, things have moved along very quickly this past month or so. Our Dossier was sent to China (DTC) on 3/7/14. Our Log-in-date (LID) was 3/13/14. This means our paperwork was IN the office and logged in with the Chinese Government. We thought we would wait a few months before we were matched, so imagine my surprise when I came home from a playdate at 7:00 on April 8th and listened to my voicemail. It was CCAI and they were asking for me to call them back. I knew what that meant because in the past eight months I have never had a call from them. Of course, their office was closed already for the day, but thankfully Adam had a chance to take their call at 5:00 on his way to a meeting. He agreed for them to send us the file of our son, Liang Yun Peng. It was love at first sight. I couldn't stop crying and looking at him. I just knew - he was the one. Our son. He has such a twinkle in his eyes.
I called CCAI the next morning and asked for more information. They gave us seven pictures and a few pieces of paper explaining his medical needs and background. We decided to not wait or hold the process. Instead of sending his files to a medical professional to look over and analyze, we decided to accept his file and to start the next phase of this process. I submitted our letter of intent (LOI) over my lunch break on 4/9/14. We received three short video clips, which are like gold, of him playing and interacting with staff. He doesn't talk, but he makes great eye contact and seems happy and healthy. Our LOI was locked, which means that we are committed with our son, on 4/15/14.
Then comes the next waiting period. I have been told this is THE hardest part of our process. We have a face and a name. We know who our son is and we want to bring him home. We were told from 4/15/14 to when we can bring our son home will take 4-6 months by the agency. From other adoptive families we were told four months is more of the average time, but agencies want you to be prepared for longer in case you are one of the random unlucky ones who do have to wait that long so you are not bombarding them begging for updates.
The papers we are now waiting on is our Letter of Acceptance (LOA). This will mean that we have permission from China to adopt our son. First paperwork has to be translated, then it has to get processed. This part could take 2-4 months. I called today to check on our status and found out we are Out of Translation (OOT). This means we are translated! They don't have a date for when this happened, so for the sake of keeping track of dates I am going to use today's date, but there is a chance this happened 1-14 days ago. We still might have to wait anywhere between 1 week to three months to get our LOA, but at least things are moving along. I "heard" through facebook groups I belong to that the average wait for a family like ours waits 40 days from OOT to LOA. This puts us somewhere mid-June. Then there are several steps before we can travel, and each involve quickly overnighting paperwork across the country and world so we can make sure not to be the cause of any type of delay. The timing of this is perfect because it would be nearly impossible to run around and complete this paperwork quickly while working. So, mid-late June is probably when our chaos will begin. I also heard that 12-14 weeks is the length of time between our LOA and travel time. This puts us at mid-September. Not ideal as a teacher to be gone in the middle of the first month of school. I am sure my head will be swimming. I pray that we can travel in August to make this as smooth of a transition for our children and for my students, but ultimately, we will go when we can go because that is what is best for our son. I think we could delay things a little if we needed to, but I just want our baby home.
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support for our family with this process. We couldn't do this without all of you (sanely at least).
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
We have a Log-in-date!
Spring break was a very productive time for our family! The kids and I went to Alexandria to help my parents with packing and sorting through things as they are preparing to sell their house and move closer towards us! Yeah! I worked hard organizing paperwork for grant and loan applications as well. The most exciting news is... we now have a log-in-date! March 13th we received a letter stating,
To: Adam & Melissa Giles
Re: CCAI Log-In Date & Packet
Congratulations! Your dossier has been logged in by the China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption!
Your official dossier log-in date (LID) is: 03/13/2014
I corresponded with CCAI that day and it was confirmed that in 3-5 months we should be matched with our child and then travel will be 3-5 months after that! It is crazy exciting for me to think that in six months, SEPTEMBER, we might be bringing our child home! I realize it could be 2015, depending on the way our timeline works out, but everything is in God's timing, so I know whatever happens was the plan all along.
The kids also were able to enjoy their break. They had fun playing with Grammy's arts and crafts. They also got to go to two different water parks that week! We had a few fun playdates later in the week once we were back home as well. As busy as the week was, it was so appreciated. I just love being able to sleep in, stay up late and cuddle up with the kids with a good book or movie, and to mix up our routine a little.
Our next adoption step is to get a LOA (I believe) and keep watching my email to see when that referral comes our way. Can't wait!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Money Trees
I wish I had a green thumb. I like to think I do, but really - I don't. Of the many plants I would like to grow, a money tree is at the top of my list. I have spent most of this day off (temperatures are at a high of -10 not factoring windchills, so school is closed) working on finding a grant or loan to apply for, but so far I am meeting dead ends or lengthy applications that require essays and letters of reference. I know it is worth it, and I am sure I will be glad I spent this time working on this one day, but Yuck is the only word I can think of to say right now. In about one month we will need our next fee of $4000 so I know this is necessary, but if only I had that money tree seed, maybe this snow day could have just been a play day.
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