What a humbling feeling this week has been. I always pride myself on trying to accomplish many great things. The rating of my day is typically determined by the number of "things" I have successfully completed, whether it be taking my kids on an outing, organizing pictures, meeting up with a friend from the past, etc. This last week I had my laperoscopy to attempt to fix my broken body in order to try for a third child later this spring. I feel so spent and exhausted that the thought of trying another round of infertility almost seems impossible and irresponsible. I barely have the energy in me to take care of myself, let alone my two amazing children, and beyond that, potentially even more.
Another factor that greatly affected me this week was the reminder that another due-date birthday passed. My first miscarriage's due date was August 18th, 2006. AJ was born on April 23, 2007. My second miscarriage due date was January 1st, 2009. Abby was born on June 16, 2009. My third miscarriage due date will be March 17th, 2012, which is St. Patty's day. It amazes me how intense my feelings of loss over these babies I love so much is, especially since I never made it into my second trimester with any of them and also because I am so blessed with my two children. I don't know if my heart will ever feel completely filled since I hold a place in my heart for each of them and I truly look forward to our reunion one day.
I have felt so humbled this week thanks to all the many blessings that have showered and covered me during a pretty difficult week.
I have never felt so blessed as I have this week to have the support and love of my parents. My mom stayed with us for the week and she helped with everything. She cooked, did the laundry, helped tuck the kids in, gave them baths, and even scrubbed my floor on her hands and knees. My dad sacrificed his wife for the week and made his second drive down three hours away from their house in a week so he could drop her off and pick her up.
My friends have also made me appreciate and realize how blessed I am to have them. Whether picking me up and bringing me to the movies, helping watch my kids, hosting my family for dinner, or just calling or emailing to show they care,words cannot express what it means to have such amazing friends and relationships with so many amazing people.
Today I went to target (kid-free since my parents watched them this morning) and I could barely make it through the store when exhaustion hit. I am a bit nervous about trying to make it through the work-week, but the thought of going in today and setting up plans for a sub is almost too much for me to bear. This is another area in my life where I realize how blessed I am. In a way, I actually look forward to going back to a routine at work and being with my students. I am so blessed to love my job and to work at such an amazing place doing a job that I deeply love.
So, thank you to those who care for me and love me, and I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you in return!
