My Little Sweeties

My Little Sweeties

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Putting MY faith in HIS faith

I think I might have jinxed myself a few weeks ago.  I was talking with my mom and I jokingly shared how God must have not had too high of an expectation level when he gave us Peng Peng.  This kid is amazing.  He smiles and laughs over everything, he is super smart, he is flexible, he is affectionate, he is adorable, he shows affection towards us all, just to name a few of his attributes.  You know the saying, "God only gives you what you can handle"?  I thought we made out pretty good with how smoothly things have been going ever since we submitted paperwork to start this adoption process back in August of 2013. 

Then came his surgery.

My oh my, what a rough week.  Our poor little guy had the entire roof of his mouth removed and stitched together and re-attached.  Can you imagine how painful that is? 

Surgery day started off great.  I was a nervous wreck, but fortunately Peng Peng had no idea what was about to come, so he had a blast getting all this attention.  My mom came the day before to stay with the older two and to help us a few days once we got home.  At 10:50 they took him back for surgery and I was allowed to go back there with him as they put him under.  It was actually pretty smooth.  I had been warned that this can be a pretty traumatizing experience for parents, but it really seemed like he was just falling asleep.  He liked the smell of the stuff they coated his mask with and was trying to lick it, which was cute. 

I had a hard time leaving him, but knew I needed to go.  So, Adam and I had just over three hours to wait around.  We checked into our room and then got a free meal at the Ronald McDonald House - which was amazing.  We had forgotten to eat breakfast and knew there would be little time to feed ourselves that afternoon.  All the food and staff there are volunteer-based.  Amazing for families who are going through such a difficult time with their sweet babes. 

We hung around in the waiting room for about half an hour before we were called back to be with him as he woke up.  I misunderstood and thought I would be there for him WHEN he woke up, but that wasn't the case.  I was there after he had been awake for about twenty minutes.  It must have been so traumatic for him, I can't help but cry every time I think of those twenty minutes.  We left our sweet baby who has only been with us for six weeks with strangers and when he woke up he was in incredible pain, medicated (so a bit loopy) and his arms were restrained.  When they did let us back there his blood pressure was super high (I am talking like 160/110) and he was screaming (can you imagine how painful it would be to cry when your mouth is ripped apart?).  So, they let me hold him and immediately his heart rate settled closer to a normal range and his oxygen level went closer to normal.  I held him and Adam pushed me in a wheelchair to his new room. 

The next two nights I slept in the room with him.  Poor kid was miserable.  I held him about 44 of the 48 hours we were there.  He was given heavy pain medication as often as allowed, and about three hours into the four hour cycle he was screaming or just miserable seeming.  We watched frozen about ten times and Nemo about six, which seemed to entertain him well.  Adam and my mom brought the kids our second night there and we ate a meal together at the Ronald House.  They even had a craft project for the older two to make, which was awesome. 

Our drive home his face lit up in the first smile I had seen in days.  I think, and maybe I over-think this sometimes, that he questioned if we were still coming home with him or if he was going to the same home.  As secure as I think he feels with us, I do think psychologically it will still be a while before he truly understands he is our forever child and will forever be our son.

We have been home for just over a week and every day does get better.  He wakes up every 1-3 hours at night, mostly uncomfortable because of the arm bands, but sometimes I think because of pain and other times because now he is getting used to us being at his side immediately after he calls for us.  He plays great during the day and has adapted well to his "no no's".  He has figured out how to rip off the Velcro, which is amazing because I have a hard time with it.  I put Abby's leg warmers on over them but he has even figured out how to get those off!  So, now he gets a time out for taking them off and seldom tries. 

All foods need to be pureed, so my mom was a major help and made a few safe meals and pureed and froze them as single portions so I can pull one out and warm it up quickly.  He is starting to get his regular appetite back which is great.  He is down just a little in weight, but the doctor said that was to be expected.  I can't imagine eating or drinking with a mouth in his condition.  Next Wednesday the no no's can come off and we can start adding in soft foods that are not pureed - whoohoo!

Thank goodness for my mom's help this week.  Adam even took over the past three nights so I could get some sleep.  I was a bit of a crabby sleep walking zombie.  It is hard to be patient and loving when you are that tired and worried. 

AJ & Abby continue to amaze me.  They had a fabulous week, one which we ended with a bang as there was no school yesterday.  It helped a ton having my mom here.  Three adults to three kids is a great ratio!   I can understand why many cultures families  have their parents move in with them.  AJ is thriving in Boy Scouts, Abby moved up a level in gymnastics and they both help each other practice their Katta for karate.  They are reading and learning so many things - I am so proud of them.  they have been great helpers around the house and have really started to play incredibly well together when they don't want to be bothered by a curious almost-two year old.  We officially moved the playroom to the basement for the older kid toys and the music room for toddler toys.  My mom's bed is all set up and she started nesting this week too.  I am so thankful she is moving in with us at the end of this month!

This week gave me a new perspective on what some of the families have to go through who I work with as a special education teacher and what some of my friends and family members have had to endure when they or a child are sick.  We have been so fortunate to not ever require a hospital stay with a child before now, and I can't imagine what it is like to have that worry and concern constantly on my shoulders. 

This week really taught me about putting my faith in God's faith.  If He feels I can handle things the way they are, then who am I to question Him.  God is so good.  He perfectly placed this amazing kid into our lives.  There is nothing that I love more than to watch him play and interact with his siblings, and the three of them already have a special bond, one which I pray will never be broken.

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